Blast from the Past: “Jesus Use Me”

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Ummm… No.

Have You Seen This Cat?

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Chuck Norris and the Global Credit Crisis

I got this on e-mail and found it Hilarious!

Chuck Norris can borrow at the discount window

Chuck Norris can sell $300bln in high yield loans before lunch

Chuck Norris’s curves are never inverted

Chuck Norris doesn’t hedge . He waits.

Chuck Norris doesn’t target inflation. He roundhouse-kicks it
until it begs for mercy.

The Chuck Norris dollar buys 3 Canadian dollars, and trades at
parity with the euro.

Chuck Norris doesn’t supply collateral, only collateral damage.

The tears of Chuck Norris would supply enough liquidity to solve
the credit crisis. Too bad he never cries.

When the yield on a Chuck Norris bond goes up, the price also
rises.

Chuck Norris trades on fear and greed simultaneously.

Alan Greenspan calls Chuck Norris “The Maestro.”

Chuck Norris has already banked his dividend payment from Northern
Rock Plc.

Chuck Norris doesn’t borrow at the Fed’s discount window. Chuck
Norris LENDS at the Fed’s discount window.

There is no market regulator. Just a list of securities Chuck
Norris allows to be traded.

Chuck Norris doesn’t buy gold to hedge against inflation. Gold
buys Chuck Norris to hedge against inflation.

Chuck Norris charges the Bank of England a penalty rate for
borrowing. And guarantees its deposits.

Chuck Norris gets ALL of his funding from the asset-backed
commercial paper market.

Chuck Norris doesn’t mark-to-market. The market marks to Chuck
Norris.

When the U.S. economy sneezes, the world catches a cold. When
Chuck Norris sneezes, the U.S. economy catches pneumonia.

Chuck Norris thinks Credit Crunch is a breakfast cereal

Chuck Norris isn’t a market maker; he IS the market.

Chuck Norris subprime collateralized debt obligations still trade
at 100 percent of face value.

Chuck Norris has a trade surplus with China.

Zapiro’s Double-whammy on Zuma

Zapiro’s at it again today with this absolute gem, given the current fight launched against him by the protagonists in his first cartoon. Well, here they are again with another satirical Zapiro-style hit.

: Zuma, Zapiro, Cartoon, ANCYL, SACP, COSATU, ANC, Justince System, Rape

Hamlet: The Facebook Edition

The king poked the queen.
The queen poked the king back.
Hamlet and the queen are no longer friends.
Marcellus is pretty sure something’s rotten around here.
Hamlet became a fan of daggers.

- – - -

Polonius says Hamlet’s crazy … crazy in love!
Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, and Hamlet are now friends.
Hamlet wonders if he should continue to exist. Or not.
Hamlet thinks Ophelia might be happier in a convent.
Ophelia removed “moody princes” from her interests.
Hamlet posted an event: A Play That’s Totally Fictional and In No Way About My Family
The king commented on Hamlet’s play: “What is wrong with you?”

This recently came up on McSweeney’s: Hamlet (The Facebook News Feed Edition. Absolutely hilarious. This is what would probably happen if Facebook was around during Shakespeare’s time.

Muhammad is worried about people who have too much time on their hands…
: Shakespeare, Hamlet, Facebook, Funny

What was your favourite Limmerick as a kid?

I can still remember English Class… getting an entire lesson in the poetry section devoted to Limmericks. I also remember my favourite becuaause it was so ingenious…

There was an old man from Nantucket,
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
He had a daughter named Nan,
but she ran away with a man.
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

I loved that one and remember repeating it to everyone I met after that… as most kids do, some things never change :)

So what was your favourite Limmerick? or Haiku even… pick your poetic structure, just tell me. I love language and ingenuity.

And here’s a modern one you might not get, but its pretty cool.

: Limmericks, Limmerick, poetry, Language, Writing

Activia Adjam: Saying it like it is…

This is probably what would happen if Marketers told the truth. Sorry for the unimpressive alteration of the ad, but I have no access to Photoshop on this computer :P

I think it’s classic though. “Activia: Helping Women Shit Better.” hahaha.

I think I read this somewhere before, but I can’t remember exactly where.

George Carlin (1937-2008)

This guy was a legend. Reading a recent interview by Democracy Now!, here’s what someone who knew him very well had to say…

“…in the late ’60s, when this country really went through a cultural revolution, you know, he was the guy, I think, who brought stand-up comedy into that cultural revolution. I mean, he was short-haired comic, sort of skinny-tie guy, who did sort of straight-laced material on the Ed Sullivan Show. He looked around in the late ’60s, and, you know, he was hanging out with musicians, he was singing with the protest movement, and he was seeing what was happening. And he decided he was doing material for the enemy. He wanted to talk to a different audience, the college audience. He wanted to go back into the coffee houses. And this was a radical thing for a guy to do with a successful career. So he started all over again, and he started doing material that really reflected the attitudes of that counterculture generation.” – Richard Zoglin

… and just one of my favourite Carlin stand-up routines…

It’s the old American double standard, you know, say one thing, do something different. And, of course, the country is founded on the double standard. That’s our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard. This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. Am I right? A group of a slave owners who wanted to be free, so they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people and move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. You know what the motto of this country ought to be? You give up a color, we’ll wipe it out. You got it.

So, anyway, about eighty years after the Constitution is ratified, eighty years later, the slaves are freed. Not so you’d really notice it, of course. Just sort of on paper. And that was, of course, during the Civil War. Now, there’s another phrase I dearly love. That is a true oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one: civil war. Do you think any country could really have a civil war? “Say, pardon me” [gun shots]—“I’m awfully sorry. I’m awfully sorry.” Now, of course, the Civil War has been over for about 120 years, but not so you’d really notice it, because we still have these people called Civil War buffs, people who thought it was a really keen war, and they study the battles carefully, and they try to improve on the strategies and the tactics to increase the body count, in case we have to go through it again sometime. In fact, some of these people actually get dressed up in uniform once a year and go out and refight these battles. You know what I say? Use live ammunition, [bleep], would you please? You might just raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool.

But what do you expect? Hey, come on, this is a warlike country. We come from that northern European, basically the northern European genes, the blue eyes. Those blue eyes. Boy everybody in the world learned real quick, didn’t they? When those blue eyes sail out of the north, you better nail everything down [bleep]. Nail it down, strap it down, or they’ll grab it. If they can’t take it home, they’ll burn it. If they can’t burn it, they’ll [bleep]. That’s what happened to us. And it’s a warlike country. C’mon, I mean, forget foreign policy. Even the domestic rhetoric is warlike. Everything about our domestic policy invokes the thought of war. We don’t like something in this country, we declare war on it. The war on poverty, the war on drugs, the war on crime, the war on AIDS, the war on cancer. We’ve got the only national anthem that mentions [bleep] rockets and bombs in the [bleep] thing. You know what I mean?

RIP… he said it like it was and is.
: George Carlin, Comedian, Legend, RIP

Charlie Chaplin vs Adolf Hitler: It’s the hat.

What a brilliant ad…

I do think that Hitler actually shaped his moustache because he liked Chaplin.  I recall a while back a story coming out about Hitler drawing pictures of Disney characters because he liked them so much.  Strange man that one.

Beautiful ad this one.  Clever.

: Charlie Chaplin, Adolf Hitler, Advertising, Cool

Poster for Oliver Stone’s “W”

I just love the typography of this poster, and it’s sucha drastic move from traditional movie posters, I love it. The movie itself is going to be a killer. I can’t wait to see this one. Apparently Oliver Stone went all out in making it an extremely powerful satirical look at the Bush Administration.

Link: Screenhead
: GW Bush, Oliver Stone, Movie Poster

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