Nov 29
marriage… I remember lots of stories about it… once I told a friend who was about to get married that its like going to varsity again… only your lecturer’s your wife.
thing is…
it is a learning experience…
the most practical you’ll ever get and the most open minded you will ever have to be.
it really makes you look at life in terms of what is more important.
and most of the time I came to the realisation that it wasn’t me.
It’s hard… no shit it’s hard.. this isn’t a picnic… but if you don’t stop and think about it seriously with yourself…
you’ll only go downhill.
it takes you right to the basics of socialisation, right to the core of who you are and what you want to be.
you see both at the same time sometimes.
you see yourself now.. and what you want things to be like and suddenly what you need to do becomes very clear.
yeah…
you can’t put these things into a few lines. There’s so much more to add in, this is only one side. I guess you have to be in it to “know”. Love and soul-mates and all that stuff… you’re gonna be putting all that theory into practice, all those long discussions with your friends and elders about the true nature of love and relationships starts to get that hard-edge-of-reality feel to it.
I guess there’s no better teacher than experience… and I don’t know how many individuals have felt this in a relationship… “Should I just cut and Run? Or stick with it and work it out?” “Is this really worth the hassle?”.
All I can say is… ask the questions… they’re hard, They’re the biggest Bitch of questions you’ll ask and you’re going to have to answer them yourself , no invigilator over your shoulder, no Supplementaries, but the outcomes are what you’re going to have to live with.
Believe it.
karim.co.za
November 29th, 2006 at 2:47 pm
uni years were the best years of my life! :)
taking from that, if it was a simple correlation, the test of marriage might not be so difficult after all.. but the thing that makes one stoically phobic ( i speak of those of us who choose the fence for now) is the loss of individuality.. most indian males prefer and require complete surrender. its a bitter pill to have to swallow (or not) when one is offered no alternatives. im rambling *sigh*
standing on the edge of the cliff
S
December 1st, 2006 at 9:26 am
ok, so now that you’re “in it” and you ‘know’ – what would you advise those who *want* to get married to look for in the prospective partner?
like you say, before marriage, its all theory – thoughts, ideas, recommendations, opinions – either other people’s or our own.
so now, you’ve had some time of that real-life ‘practical’ experience; and you’ve seen whether the things you thought BEFORE marriage were close to reality (in your situation at least).
share with us then, please, your wisdom on what it is a single person should be looking for.
after all, it is maybe the biggest decision of a person’s life…
December 2nd, 2006 at 10:10 am
Well, my only advice would be the same wisdom as passed down by Nabi (SAW). Look for Piety. A partner who is open-minded, Islamically grounded and forgiving. That is all you need. Beauty means shit, believe me, besides it’s in the eye of the beholder. What you do notice after you get married is that how the person looks is the LEAST most important aspect of the relationship.
So, in the end… my advice to everyone… look for the simple,powerful things which last in a person. Piety is absolutely key.
wslm,
M.